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We’ve Got a Pill for That!
Additions to Our Psychotropic Formulary
The following medications have been approved for prescription via both our primary care and behavioral health units. As always, please keep in mind that reimbursement, deductibles, and co-pays will vary according to patients’ insurance coverage.
Bragolene [brag-OH-leen]: An ego-suppressant typically used around winter holiday socializing. Similar to Pontifaril [pon-TIFF-uh-rill], which is more suitable for year-round use. Both combine well with alcohol. Note: Cases of “surreptitious spousal dosing” have been reported; prescribers should caution against such usage.
Bonealot [bone-UH-lot]: One of a new class of extended duration (typically on the order of 72 hours) erectile dysfunction medications categorized as Neo-Priapics [nee-OH-pry-ah-pic]. Notes: Bonealot is not covered by Medicare and has been banned in some 69% of surveyed retirement communities — although some permit exceptions under a spousal override protocol. Asked about AARP’s position on the medication, a spokesperson would only say “tantric.” [see Wetaril, below]
Guiltazine [gilt-UH-zeen]: Tranquilizer which relieves feelings of responsibility for family members. Often prescribed in tandem with Blameazone [BLAME-uh-zone], which blunts the tendency to ascribe all of ones failures to same.